it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
