I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
