we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
