We're facebook friends in real life
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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