How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
