something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
