i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
