i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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