Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
