Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
