Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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