Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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