He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
