We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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