Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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