Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
