u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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