singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
