i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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