dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
