so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
