That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
