Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
