I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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