Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
