You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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