i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
