that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
