we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
