Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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