so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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