I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
