my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
