totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
