Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
