did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
