I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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