I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
