I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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