I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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