Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize