my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
