then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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