never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
