broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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