she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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