lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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