Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
