I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize