Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
