I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
