I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
