Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
