If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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