She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
