Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
