WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
