News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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