Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
