Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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