Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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