Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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