How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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