I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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