i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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