the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
