Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
