Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
