More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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