hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
