hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
