How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
