it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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