That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is Oprah even human
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
