When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
