i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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