I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
