i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
