Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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