So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
