Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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