Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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