I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
only you would photoshop your dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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